So it begins...I was leaving work yesterday with another lady I work with. She has two older adopted kids. She is a mother even though she didn't give birth to them. I am a mother even though my son is dead. Many of my coworkers take off Fridays so they were saying goodbye to us until Monday. They looked at me as if they wanted to say it but instead turned to her and said "Happy Mother's Day." I was told to "Have A Nice Weekend." I had to bite my tongue really hard. I wanted to say "I am a mother ya know. I have the stretch marks and grey hairs at 25 to prove it. I have the worry lines and baby fat as well." They don't know any better I guess. So instead I just smiled and said "You too." I know no matter what they said my day wouldn't be "Happy" or "Good" but it's the principle of the matter. Just because my son has passed does not mean my mothering badge was ripped from me as well. I had a baby, am having a baby and am the best mother I can be to me lovey. The fact that he loves me so much would say I am a damn good mother to him actually. He has a real mother though so it doesn't really count. Most important of all though is I am Gavin's mother. Dead or alive he is my son and I am his momma.
So now I know what to expect when I say goodbye to the rest of my coworkers today or when all my friends will text and write to each other "Happy Mother's Day." I don't count to them anymore. I am just the poor girl whose baby died. Perhaps I will write an etiquette book on how to treat bereaved parents. Until then I will have to walk around with a bleeding tongue.
***I know this is random but my Gavin was so silly. He made the best faces in the world. I would do anything to see that face again. I instead stared at one of my favorite pictures of him all morning. It always makes me smile. Sorry it's so dark it was taken at night time when feeding him and I didn't want to flash in his face. I love you baby boy.