So it begins...I was leaving work yesterday with another lady I work with. She has two older adopted kids. She is a mother even though she didn't give birth to them. I am a mother even though my son is dead. Many of my coworkers take off Fridays so they were saying goodbye to us until Monday. They looked at me as if they wanted to say it but instead turned to her and said "Happy Mother's Day." I was told to "Have A Nice Weekend." I had to bite my tongue really hard. I wanted to say "I am a mother ya know. I have the stretch marks and grey hairs at 25 to prove it. I have the worry lines and baby fat as well." They don't know any better I guess. So instead I just smiled and said "You too." I know no matter what they said my day wouldn't be "Happy" or "Good" but it's the principle of the matter. Just because my son has passed does not mean my mothering badge was ripped from me as well. I had a baby, am having a baby and am the best mother I can be to me lovey. The fact that he loves me so much would say I am a damn good mother to him actually. He has a real mother though so it doesn't really count. Most important of all though is I am Gavin's mother. Dead or alive he is my son and I am his momma.
So now I know what to expect when I say goodbye to the rest of my coworkers today or when all my friends will text and write to each other "Happy Mother's Day." I don't count to them anymore. I am just the poor girl whose baby died. Perhaps I will write an etiquette book on how to treat bereaved parents. Until then I will have to walk around with a bleeding tongue.
***I know this is random but my Gavin was so silly. He made the best faces in the world. I would do anything to see that face again. I instead stared at one of my favorite pictures of him all morning. It always makes me smile. Sorry it's so dark it was taken at night time when feeding him and I didn't want to flash in his face. I love you baby boy.
Just as I wanted to comment yesterday - Happy Mothers Day to you. I wish you a day filled with warm love and thoughts of your sweet little Gavin. Know that he, like all babies gone too soon, is safe and comfy up in heaven - sending you love and strength. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day to you! You are definitely a mommy.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that your coworkers don't understand. You ARE a mom, and you deserve to be honored. I wanted to share this with you- it helped me immensely after my first loss and I hope it will bring you some comfort this mother's day. (HUGS)
ReplyDelete"The Busiest Day In Heaven"
It's the busiest day in Heaven
I'm planning a big surprise
To let you know I love you
And that no one ever dies
Even though your down below
And I am up above
I'm sending you my wishes
And all my angel love
It's really quite exciting
To plan this big event
For lots of gifts will come your way
And all are Heaven sent
First I'll take a bubble bath-
My splashes might cause some rain
But knowing all the fun I'm having
Will help to ease your pain
Next I'll get some pictures
In my halo and gown
So when you get to Heaven
You can show me all around
I have color crayons in Heaven
And I will draw some stars so bright
And place them in the sky today
For you to see tonight
Then Jesus will have story time
And I will sit upon his lap
He'll tell me all about you
Just before I nap
I'll awake full of energy
And play a game or two
Before I finish sending
All my love to you
After snack I'll write a song
For all the birds to sing
And know I've made you happy
With all the joy it brings
At night time I'll be tired
But I'll still hold you tight
My arms will wrap around you
And keep you through the night
And when you finally slumber
I will kneel and pray
Asking God to bless you
On this special Mother’s Day
Love,
Your Little Angel
That was really nice thank you. It made me cry that's a beautiful poem.
ReplyDeleteFabby Pic - made me giggle...
ReplyDeleteThinking of you on Mother's Day - you are not just a mother - you a good mother. You were the best mother you could be, in circumstances that most parents will never have to endure.
Sending you much love xx