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Friday, May 4, 2012

Happy Birthday Gavin (late for a reason)

As my luck would have it I just got home from surgery a few days ago. It all started 2 Sundays ago. I woke up in the middle of the night with this annoying pain in my belly. I had been feeling off for weeks but wasn't sure why. This time the sick feeling wasn't going away. I really wanted to go to the E.R. as it got worse and I started to get really sick. The momma in me didn't want to wake Blake though or leave him for long so I waited until morning and called my primary. She got me in right away thank God. After a quick examination she sent me to the E.R. located in the same building as her office. She had the same thoughts as I did. My gallbladder was sick and needed out. The E.R. confirmed this but for some odd reason sent me home. They are just a small place where surgery doesn't take place but they do then transfer if it's needed.

At home things got worse and worse. My family wanted me to call my Dr. (This is now Tuesday night) on call. By this time my blood work was in. It showed my white blood cells were high and potassium dangerously low. She advised me to go right to the hospital. This E.R. admitted me right away after a few tests. It took ten hours to get to my room. Let's just say my first neighbor was not very classy. She was practically naked, very loud and would use her commode in front of me. Why she had one when she could walk fine I don't know but it was gross. She thankfully was discharged the next morning.

This is when the surgeons started to talk to me. They knew my gallbladder needed out but were afraid I had a stone somewhere. That would require a procedure before surgery. From Tuesday until Friday I was not allowed to drink or eat as I was given MRI's, x-rays and ultrasounds. Finally Friday morning the surgeons decided it was best just to take out my gallbladder. At this point I was so sick and thirsty I was glad to see an end in sight. Afterwards not so glad as I learned I had a very rough surgery and I was in crazy pain. My gallbladder was "bigger then the surgeon's head and had to be ripped out." After a few more awful days in the hospital I was finally discharged late Monday night. This was the worst experience I ever had nurse wise in the hospital and was so glad to come home to my baby.

What I was not happy about was missing Gavin's birthday. I had all these plans and decorations which were all stopped by my stupid body. I did cry for Gavin in the hospital and brought his picture but it wasn't the same. This weekend my family and I will go to his grave to celebrate with him and grieve for him. Brad and I will also go by ourselves. One family member did let it slip that they went but I was glad they did. I never want him to be alone on his birthday.

I saw your comments through my phone and thank you for them. Ashley I cried reading yours. I am so, so happy your beautiful family also celebrated with him by letting balloons go. It means the world to me. I also received a beautiful card from all the girls on my message board (not the bereaved one). I must admit I haven't been able to go through it all because when I cry really hard my staples pull. I will read it all, it is such a beautiful card.

Gavin I miss you so much my baby. I can't believe you should be two. I should be watching you walk, talk and grow. I love you, my heart aches for you and mommy will never be whole. I really, really, miss you my baby. Happy Birthday baby I love you so much.