Thursday, May 5, 2011
Am I A Mother?
I came to the hospital to sit with my baby and spend the day with him. The nurse came over to talk to me like she always did and she said really casual "Would you like to hold him?". I thought I heard her wrong. When I realized this wasn't a cruel joke I almost cried. When I was handed my baby boy for the first time my heart melted all over again. He snuggled up to me so close like he was waiting for me too. I will never forget that moment.
Now I am kind of dreading Mother's Day. Another day where the world will be moving and I am stopped frozen in sadness wishing Gavin was here. Next year will be a little easier when Pumpkin is here and I feel like a real mother again. Do angel mother's get celebrated on mother's day? Or how about expecting mother's? Or what if you are both? Maybe I can skip my family's house and spend the whole day sitting with my son again. I just wish it was with a one year old Gavin and not a grave.