Day 28. Memory-This is a good memory that replays in my head the most. It was a beautiful day outside, I just got my check finally for medical leave and I was going to buy my baby some clothes. Since he was premature and it was very hot for that type of year he needed things I hadn't prepared for. Gavin and I were lying on the couch trying to stay cool. I remember looking at him thinking "Wow he is really mine, I created this beautiful boy." I held him close as I sang "Mommy and Gavin will be best friends forever, best friends forever, best friends forever, Mommy and Gavin will be best friends forever and I will never let him go." I always make up songs to sing to my babies. This one sticks with me of course. We were supposed to be together forever. That day replays in my head a lot. I was so happy and full of joy. I was lighthearted, care-free and just so happy to have my baby home. I truly love every moment of motherhood. I didn't mind waking up in the middle of the night because it meant I got to hold my baby. Usually I was up before him waiting for him to get up. I When I finally got to take Gavin home his student Dr. doing his residency said he was off to the PICU. He said "I will never see you guys there. Go home and enjoy your baby." So many things that I now look back as premonitions. Why didn't I realize the signs? Maybe if I did he would still be here.