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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

One Year Without Gavin

Today is one year since my Gavin died. I am reliving some things right now that I had buried in my head. I am feeling all the pain of hearing he was going to die all over again. In the back of my head I always knew the news would be bad but I held on to any hope I could find. I convinced myself he would be o.k. because there was no other way to make it through. I am so glad I got to meet my beautiful boy but am so angry that time was cut short. I am one of those people you read about, hear about, watch on t.v., be lucky you are not me. When you say "I can't imagine" not only do I have to imagine, I have to live it. I am still living because I have told myself one day Gavin and I will be reunited again. We will start right where we left off. It's summer time, I have my brand new baby and I am the happiest girl in the whole world. This time I will let nothing bad happen though.

I love you Gavin. With every fiber of my being I love you and miss you. My heart is broken and our family will never be complete again. I hope you could hear me when I held you close for the last time and sang "You are my sunshine". You are not just that though, you are my whole world. You are the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. Mommy loves you baby boy, I really do.


  1. Hi Bella - have been awful trouble posting comments on your blog, so I thought I would have a go from work, in case it's the settings on my home comp. Just in case you were wondering why I've been so silent - I have been reading, and have wanted to comment.

    I'm so sorry this is so hard. It's not fair and it's not right. Sending you a Hug - if only there was more xx

  2. I know I am a few days late, but I am so, so sorry. This is such a difficult milestone. ((HUGS))