My Boys

I never took a picture with Aiden and Gavin together. I regret that so much that it pains me deeply. Aiden was such an active little boy at the time and was starting to hate getting his picture taken. When I was alone with them both I was too busy to worry about getting the camera out or even my phone. By the time daddy got home I was too exhausted to think. These are all lame excuses though and don't make me feel any better. I never got a picture of my two boys and I will never get the chance. Nor will I get the chance to take one of all three boys, or any future children with them as well. This is why I made a picture myself, with all three of them together. It's the best I am going to get.

Besides all that I am stuck in a rut. I feel like I am so far along in pregnancy and so far behind in doing Pumpkin's nursery. How can I possibly go through all of my Gavin's things though? The emotions that will come out will be strong and painful. Here is the blanket I brought him home with, here is the blanket he died with in the hospital. Here is the stuffed animal grandpa bought him when he was born, here is the one I bought to lay with him in his hospital crib before he died. This is why I keep buying so much stuff. Maybe if I buy all new stuff, I won't have to go through his things, right? But then I don't want to get rid of his things either. I think using them with Pumpkin will remind me of Gavin in a good way.

Such topsy turvy crazy emotions. I miss you Gavin more and more each day.