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Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Walls Are Closing In

The walls have been closing in for a long time now but today it feels like I only have inches left before they shut on me. Today is April 1st the month my baby was born. Two years ago I was so excited for my new life with my son and he was all I thought about. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I sat at work writing names that I liked on paper. I scoured the internet for the items with the best reviews so he would always be safe. Every weekend I was shopping, buying him new things and imagining the days when he would actually use them. My biggest worries were what we would have for dinner and what outfit my son would come home in.

This morning I woke up and wished I hadn't. I of course never want to leave Blake but some days are so hard I wonder how I will survive another moment. I have been crying so much today my face is puffy. I let out a wail from the other room at one point, where I was trying to hide out and Brad ran in afraid something was wrong. After he saw no one was hurt or anything he just held me knowing what those tears were for.

I miss my son and I just want him back.


  1. Feel your pain. My son's 2nd birthday in April 7th. I wasn't too excited to wake up this morning either and know that its April. Will definitely be thinking of you ((Hugs))

  2. Big hug for you. I think the second year is hard as it sometimes feels like everyone else has moved on. One foot in front of the other and remember to breathe X x

  3. I feel as if these major scars on our hearts will always open up to fresh wounds during these times of the year for all the years we breath. It can be so hard. Thinking of Gavin.xo

  4. Thanks lovies. I am just trying to take it one second, minute, hour at a time just like in the beginning. I am thinking of you Ashley every day. BIG HUGS sweetheart.

    BIG HUGS to you Michelle and Susan I am always thinking of you too.