So many emotions going on latley that I have been at a loss for words. I feel pretty bipolar with the constant up and downs. There are days where I have that uncontrollable pain . I look at a picture of Gavin and realize that's all he is any more..a picture. Obviously to me he is so much more but I can only touch his picture, his clothes, his toys and blankets. Objects that will never come close to the feeling of my babies skin or the sound of his cry and coo's. I let out cries that are animal like again. Unconsolable cries that are the sounds of a mother without her child. I've been crying for Gavin so many days & nights I feel like he just died yesterday. My mother has been crying for him a lot too. I wish our tears counted for something and if we cried enough he would come back.
Then I have days that I am happy like actually excited. I can't wait to meet this little baby growing and kicking inside of me. I have been doing a lot of things in the nursery and buying a bunch of baby items. Then I feel guilty for having such good days and feel worse the next.
I am 6 months pregnant today and I love my babies, both of them.
Of course you love them both and always will. I feel guilty even when I snuggle the cat, its just a natural reaction. I would have commented on your last post but for some reason could not get it to load. My computer is getting old. Thinking of you Gavin and pumpkin
ReplyDeleteI love my girls - though I have to say Catherine feels most real to me. I wonder how that will change (hoping that Fidget arrives safely of course) and starts to take up more real space iyswim, while memories of Catherine are becoming more distant. It is very hard. Sending you a hug x
ReplyDeleteThat love will never fade it will only grow stronger. I am happy that your pregnancy is going well and I am sure that your baby is excited to meet mommy as well.
ReplyDelete