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Thursday, July 21, 2011

Smiling through the tears

I am sorry I have been neglecting writing. I really have a lot to say but am at a loss for time. The second year continues to go on and somehow so do I. I will tell you this dear friends who I may have scared the other day. While the pain is just as unbearable as ever it's not as constant as it once was. I have found I can smile, laugh and joke again. I can be care free sometimes and just go with the moment. I always go back to thinking about Gavin but for that brief time I am able to let myself go. He is of course is always, always on my mind and the fact that he is not here does not suck any less. I just wanted to give some of you that glimmer of hope I so desperately longed for. I never want to stop hurting for my boy but I want to be able to live a bit.

My sweet step baby helps with that a lot. He is so young and so carefree it's hard not to follow his lead. He knows nothing about hurt yet and I hope he never does. Although I know that won't happen. I can pray that he will never know hurt like I have though. He is such a loveable little guy and can make me smile through my tears. I am very lucky to have him in my life.

I hope all of you ladies can feel a little bit of pleasure again, even if for a second. We all have experienced enough pain.


  1. Glad that you have your step son to help you, he is darling, my kids have sure helped me, not sure where I would be without any of them.

  2. It didnt scare me and you can say anything on your blog that should be what its there for, I hope my last comment didnt make you feel that way, I just meant I am at the stage you were at-and have not yet accepted the whole thing. What your saying doesnt scare me , I know whatever year or however long its always going to be ruff, dont worry about makeing it sound good, for others-I really appreciate your honesty and realism. I am glad you have your step son show you brighter moments and hope pumpkin will show you even more !

  3. ok Ive got it under the right post now lol

    ps I had a blogger mother of loss private email me and told me my blog was way to graphic and that was insulting to her and that beleiving Jack was not in heaven was just outragous to her. She said because of that she would never go to my blog again. I am having a hard time with that and I cried alot but I know my blog is for me and not to win some kind of popularity contest. I am so glad your blog is honest and lets me know I am not alone in this pain and that it prepares me for what may be to come and I also love your stories about your stepson and pumpkin
    pumpkin and knowing that their could be some hope too

  4. She was mad that I didnt believe in heaven, I am somewhat athiest. Anywho, youve been very supportive and I find your blog very helpful and I thank you so much for it and I love to look at all the adorable pics of your stepson and Gavin :)

  5. lol I always remember something later and have to post again. I was wondering if you had a decided on a name for pumpkin yet?

  6. The blog and cell phone thing is pretty cool. I can only do it right now when I am at home, Codie and I share a cell and he needs it for his work to get calls from dispatch, I hope to get my own cell in the fall. Its was hard to decide but I like Colton Alexander.