Thursday, July 21, 2011
Smiling through the tears
I am sorry I have been neglecting writing. I really have a lot to say but am at a loss for time. The second year continues to go on and somehow so do I. I will tell you this dear friends who I may have scared the other day. While the pain is just as unbearable as ever it's not as constant as it once was. I have found I can smile, laugh and joke again. I can be care free sometimes and just go with the moment. I always go back to thinking about Gavin but for that brief time I am able to let myself go. He is of course is always, always on my mind and the fact that he is not here does not suck any less. I just wanted to give some of you that glimmer of hope I so desperately longed for. I never want to stop hurting for my boy but I want to be able to live a bit.
My sweet step baby helps with that a lot. He is so young and so carefree it's hard not to follow his lead. He knows nothing about hurt yet and I hope he never does. Although I know that won't happen. I can pray that he will never know hurt like I have though. He is such a loveable little guy and can make me smile through my tears. I am very lucky to have him in my life.
I hope all of you ladies can feel a little bit of pleasure again, even if for a second. We all have experienced enough pain.