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Monday, March 19, 2012

Once Again Plagued By Ignorance

I swear my one coworker just loves to say the rudest comments. The other day she said "Do you check on Blake a lot?" I said "Yes. Of course I do." Now first of all I think any good mother checks on their baby. Her response " (First she laughed) Well don't! You are just upsetting yourself over nothing. He will be fine nothing will happen to HIM."

It would be one thing if I had started the conversation and talked about how much I worry over Blake. Then she could say something comforting like it's normal to worry but he will fine. But to pretty much make fun of my situation and the fact that I worry about my kid pisses me off. She is the one who would always tell me through out my pregnancy to stop worrying this baby won't die too. Again I NEVER expressed my feelings to her.

It is so ignorant to come at a bereaved mother like she is a fool for worrying that something will happen to her other children. He is my son I don't stand over him all day long staring at him breathe and even if I did, why the f@ck is it her business? I could tell her she is a nasty mother because she constantly calls her daughter fat. Even though she is not at all. She tells everyone how big her daughter is and she tells her how terrible she looks.

Next time she tries to give me some sort of "advice" I know just what to say. Thank you but I don't need any advice from a shitty mom.

(Also I will be back soon girls with many pictures and frequent posts. My other lap top died. I got the HP Beats Audio Edition yesterday and am just waiting for my internet connection to be restored.)


  1. I find the same thing with doctors, they dont understand my worrying I feel like saying "well DUH" to them. I realize they dont learn even the second time around to do their due dillegence without persistance. You would think it would be common sence.
    That co worker was so rude and obviously very ignorant, unfornatley we are part of an all knowing club in which only we comprehend that bad things can happen to anyone at anytime.

    1. I switched OBGYN's after Gavin. My new OB was a VERY caring, nice man but even he couldn't always understand my worry. He would always say "Don't worry, you know I am taking care of you." Yeah well I took care of Gavin and well you know the story. I think to Dr's especially OB's they see obviously so much loss they have grown immune to it. They just see things as if this baby comes it does if not life moves on. Yes, for them it doesn't for us mom not so much.

      I have a good feeling about your baby Michelle. I know you don't go the other route so I ask the universe to send you and baby good vibes and blessings. xoxo

  2. Well I have two thoughts. The first would be to just tell her to f**k off - actually, probably not a great idea with a co-worker. The second is the go-er, I think. Tell her you got contacted by a recently bereaved mum through your blog looking for your support. Tell her that her daughter who is 2 years older than your co-worker's child died of a obesity related illness. Explain in great detail how awful it was. Explain how the mother cries down the phone to you, and you don't know how to comfort her. Ask for your co-worker's advice on what to say. Explain how guilty the other mum feels.

    Am I a horrible person to think of that? Maybe. I think I am just turning into a bit of a cow!

    I think the problem Stephanie is that people react very personally to our children's death. They aren't thinking about US - they are thinking about themselves. The first question I usually get asked is was she a baby. Babies dying are easier for most people, because there children are passed that very little vulnerable stage. People can feel easy about Blake, because he was born premie, and he died very young. It isn't going to happen to them. That's why they can laugh at your worries.

    Catherine's death frightens people - a healthy 4 year old. That is why the b**ds are always telling me how rare it is. What they mean is - it won't happen to my child. The risk is very low.

    People can just be horrible. I don't mean to imply that any mother deserves her child to die. Most obsese kids are just going to be find. But I would be sorely tempted to put this rude, unfeeling woman in her place, by turning the conversation to the possible demise of her own child EVERY time she pisses you off, or mentions Blake inappropriately.

    Silly moo. Lots of love to you x

    1. I know exactly what you mean. It's been hard not to tell her to FCK off. My mom is the boss of my work ya know so I might just get away with it. ;)

      Anyways you are not a cow for thinking that way. People like I said in this entry are so damn ignorant. If I have never experienced something myself I don't pretend to know about it. When her mother died I said nice things and just said "I am sorry you lost your mother that must be so hard." Her mother was 90 lived a long life and was "expected" to die soon. Still people comforted her as they should. She wanted that comfort as well.

      So for her to think I don't deserve to be comforted but rather poked fun of is just so crazy to me. Next time she says something my words I promise will not be so nice. Especially as Gavin's birth day draws near I am not to be poked.

    2. Also lots and lots of love to you Susan. I loved that comment. Makes me feel like I am not so crazy since we think the same way!

  3. I agree with Susan that you should tell her where to stick it! I think that people will continue to say rude things until we put them in thier place. They don't have a clue how thier stupid unwanted opinions are hurtful. Tell her that until she has had to visit her child at the cemetery or plan her childs funeral, to keep her opinions to herself. I am in a cranky mood today!

    I am thinking if you as Gavin's birthday gets closer.

  4. I stumbled across this completely by accident. My nephew was lost at 3.5mos to SIDS. My sister and I have both since had another child. Ppl don't understand that we simply can't relax. Her rainbow baby is 2 years, while my son is 2mos on Sunday. I check him all the time. I refuse to be in a separate room from him. I hold him when he's sleeping. Took six months off work because I'd go nuts with him at daycare. Until its happened to you or hit close to home, it's just something that happens to other ppl. Only a family that has experienced it can understand the fear surrounding it.

    I hate the ignorant comments the most. It's ok to let him sleep on his tummy. Don't you think you're over reacting about this SIDS thing? Or, the worst, "Relax, it'll be OK." Really? Tell that to my sister.

    Thank you for sharing this. My family is still shattered over the loss. You are an amazingly strong woman. I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to be the mother, because being the aunt is almost too much. I tell myself everyday, "If Emily (my sister) can survive that, then I can survive X".

    In the end, the beat explanation I've come up with I got from the show Eureka. "You never get over it, but you do get through it."

    1. I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew and sister's son. The loss of a baby effects the whole family. My mother, grandmother, step-father, aunt, are all new people just like I am. Our hearts are all missing a huge piece. Just like you family. The pain is constant.You are right that you don't ever get over it, you just get through each day the best way you can. I will keep you and your sister in my prayers as you travel this grief journey with me. Thank you for that comment. I feel weak most days but something has to be getting me through.

      My son is almost ten months and I still have him sleeping in my room and I am still getting the ignorant comments. He is my child and when I feel like it I will put him in his room. It is none of anyone elses business.

      My response to those who brush off the SIDS warnings or poke fun at them is "Until you have walked in someone's shoes, you do not know how they feel.Believe me you do not want to walk in my shoes. Educate yourself and quit being ignorant."