It has been way too long. I have been crazy busy between work and my main job being a mommy to a toddler. Life has been going as good as to be expected. I have my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Then I have days where I feel like a person again. My laugh and good spirit has come back. Blake has played a big part in that. He is so happy and brings much joy. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. I miss Gavin every single day still and always will. Sometimes the pain is just as overwhelming as the day I said goodbye to my sweet boy.
Recently I made a revelation though. Although I miss my boy with all of my heart I realized I was projecting other issues on to his passing. I am learning through counseling to confront those issues and it has been a great help. I know now that other things that were making me miserable were intensified by losing my sweet boy. All I can do is take each day step by step and handle whatever is thrown at me the best I can. I still will have my breakdowns but am able to recover from them quicker.
As much as I wish I didn't have to walk this path, I don't have any other chance. Gavin is walking beside me with each step I take. I feel him all around me. I hope all my other grieving mommas are doing the best they can, remember that's all we can do. Just wanted to write a quick entry. I will be back asap to write a longer one. Much love to you all. XOXO